April 16, 2003
I’m Going To Be Rich
At dinner tonight they gave us this little trivia quiz on the 50’s copied off of a website somewhere. Evidently tomorrow is the 50’s theme night, and they’re going to have a trivia contest, the grand prize of which is the bike by the door.
One of the questions was: “Of these 4 movies, three of them won the Best Picture Academy Award in the 1950’s. Which one did not?” The four movies were:
- Ben Hur
- The Bridge on the River Kwai
- Around the World in 80 Days
- The Greatest Show on Earth
Academy Award winners, but I figured that they were all winners (and I was sure of 3 of them), but that one of the movies actually wasn’t from the 50’s… But no, it’s even worse than that. The trick is that Ben Hur won the 1959 Academy Award for Best Picture, which means that it actually won in 1960. Yeah. That’s the kind of crap they expect us to put up with to get a chance to ride around on a big Coca Cola advertisement.
My plan for great wealth was actually an offshoot of a discussion we had over the quiz. I wasn’t sure about The Greatest Show on Earth being a Best Picture winner. Kevin said that, come on, it had to be. I mean, how could the Greatest Show on Earth not win the Best Picture Award. Touche.
At this point, I began to hatch my plan to produce a movie. This movie will be called Winner of Seven Academy Awards, Including Best Picture and Best Director. Just think: how could it not win? Who would be so blase as to dismiss such a film out of hand?
Not the Academy, that’s who.
And the public (those unwashed masses) would likewise be unable to resist its allure. They’d gather collectively around the water coolers and coffee carts of the world, whispering in wonder: “Did you hear about that movie, the one that got all those awards?” Sure, there might be a few voices of dissent, but they’d easily be drowned in the clamor for inclusion in such a remarkable event of prognosticated artistic triumph (like I was when I pointed out that, technically, the new Millenium didn’t start until 2001). Academy Award betting pools would be ignored that year, because, really, what would be the point.
The marketing would write itself.