June 20, 2003

There’s a snake living in

Posted in General at 1:49 am by Ian

There’s a snake living in our suite now. It’s someone’s pet, although exactly whom it belongs to is not clear to me. In fact, I’m not even sure exactly who lives here anymore. There’s Avani, who is technically in the room, but she always seems to have 2 or 3 groupies around. I don’t know if they’re sleeping on her floor or what. Not that I care either. They seem to be nice folks, and are clean.

So anyway, this snake. It moves like what I’d expect most animals to move if they got incredibly stoned. Relaxed, assured, and not quite knowing what’s going on. Of course, apparently they can move much faster than that. Mullet groupie said that it could move three or four times as fast as I could. It does so only when feeding, though. It’s a constrictor, but, says Avani, not too bright. It demonstrated both of those qualities by trying, in the span of about 20 minutes, to constrict around

  • A plastic bag filled with books
  • The leg of the couch
  • My foot.

Sadly, it was not successful in any of its pursuits (though, technically, none of the above took a single breath during their brief brush with serpent-love). I was also disappointed that it didn’t try to crush the life out of my can of Dr Pepper. It was probably too cold, but think how cool that would be. Natural can crusher!

Glasses groupie (ah, I just overheard. His name is Rick) played around with a large stuffed snake, which the small, scaly one responded to quite well.

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2 Comments »

  1. mama said,

    The snake is dangerous. It can kill you in your sleep. You do secure it at nap times and sleep times I hope. I hope. I hope. The reason constrictors go aroudn like they are stoned is they don’t need to hurry most of the time. They wait until you are asleep or napping and quite used to their presence and then take their time positioning themselves. Then they just slowly tighten their grip. No problems. By the time you wake up, if you ever do, it is too late. I am worried. It is a mother’s right. Take care. And pet him once for me.

  2. Ian said,

    My mother, ladies and gentlemen.


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