June 22, 2003
Some Kind Of Movie Or Something
I watched Sweet Home Alabama tonight. I went into it assuming that it would be that charmingly predictable feel-goody type of romantic comedy that it obviously was supposed to be. Except predictable. I mean, sure, the end was exactly as expected. It was just the middle that was unclear.
Or maybe I just wasn’t with the program. Certainly every event was clear, as it was happening, but there was no cohesiveness, and no sense of… plot. The first hour or so of the movie just stagnates with… with, uhm. Damn. This is clearly an unmemorable movie, because I’ve already forgotten the main character’s name.
Mel. That’s her name: Melanie.
Anyway, it stagnates with the conflict between Mel and Love Interest Number One (Jake). She wants him to sign the divorce papers. He doesn’t want to. Conflict! Various shenanigans result. Oh, and then he agrees. He’ll sign them. She hands him a pen. They then (why not?) reminisce about the one childhood experience that the audience is aware of, which was apparently the pinnacle of their pre-seven-year-incommunicado-period relationship. And then he does something with her pen (?) and she gets all snappy. And then he won’t sign the papers. Take that!
Then, she goes off and does stuff, and he acquiesces once again. Oh, and then he won’t sign them after all. Pwned!
(One wonders, at this point, why she hasn’t bothered to get divorced sometime in the seven years we are told she has been gone. She evidently sent the papers many times, and he sent them back. As much as this writer wants to believe that the legal system is illogical enough to require both parties to agree to a divorce, he is pretty sure that this is not the case.)
And then, after that’s finally settled, she… stays around for an unknown reason doing… stuff. Random events seem to occur. There is (of course) a barroom pool scene, and a Civil War reenactment(<Apu>The South shall come again</Apu>), and some kind of fair or something.
Add this to the fact that the only character thats even remotely believable is Love Interest the First. We are supposed to believe that Mel was a comlete hellion in her youth. Arrested at every turn, she blew up a bank, sent a tractor into a lake, etc. Also, she was a prize beauty pageant winner in Alabama, who leveraged this experience to become a successful fashion designer in New York. Somehow that whole thing just doesn’t gel with me. And Love Interest Numero Two-o doesn’t make any sense at all. There are numerous plot and/or logic holes in what this guy does. I think, maybe, that they forgot to write parts of the movie. Perhaps there was a horrible fire of some sort, which selectively destroyed parts of the script, and the writers. For example, when she leaves him at the altar, and says she is so sorry, he says “Now I know what this feels like.” and smiles.
What what feels like! And why is he happy about this? It’s never explained! Who cares!
So. Yeah. It did have some cute parts, but they were lost in the sea of questions that kept coming to mind, most of which were: “What?!”