June 23, 2003
What Have I Done!
Turns out that chicken broth doesn’t go over with vegetarians, a group which includes a startlingly high number of my friends.
Let it be hereby known that I am an evil person for knowingly and willfully wresting from one (1) chicken (hereinafter, “the victim”) an entire quart of “broth” (hereinafter “the stuff”) for use in an arcane and unwholesome heating, stirring, and spicing ritual. My only recourse is to claim that youth and inexperience led me astray, and to request that my long and faithful record of service be taken into account before passing judgment. For I am truly sorrowed, and will serve to make amends. Firstly: by casting so unholy a concoction as this into a bitter and chilling environment, and then unto the inferno of an electro-mechanical monstrosity. Only when it has been purified with ice and fire will it then be peacefully escorted, amidst strains of requiem to its final resting place. Secondly: by requesting your presence at a later date, with more fitting fare.