October 5, 2003

Nucular Bombs and Governators

Posted in General at 1:31 am by Ian

We all know it’s going to happen.

So, if you can’t beat ’em…

Next Friday night, we’re having a special movie night. Red Sonja (for which I have devised an excellent drinking game; “ayah!”), and Kindergarten Cop (“It’s not a toomah”) will be on the playlist, so we can all enter this next phase in California’s governance with the proper perspective. Also, and I have to get this in there, but at least Arnold can pronounce “nuclear” correctly.

But that’s actually not the politics I’ve been thinking about. I’ve been thinking about Iran. As I’m sure all of you know by now from reading the Onion, America’s Finest News Source™, Iran has been given a deadline of October 31st to prove that it does not have a secret nuclear weapons program.

An excellent goal, no doubt, with only the minor problem that it’s entirely impossible. I’m not even sure I could prove I don’t have a secret nuclear weapons program. Maybe I left it in my other pants or something. Iran doesn’t even have a chance.

Iran: Well, here’s a detailed breakdown of all our defense spending, a guided tour through our nuclear plants, and blueprints of all related buildings.
US: Ha, Iran! We won’t fall for that. A secret military weapons program would never show up in such obvious documentation. Hey! [points at random building] Maybe the nukes are in there. What are you hiding from us, Iran?

And so on.



  1. Nikhil said,

    I agree. It’s way too hard to tell the difference between something being very well hidden and nonexistent.

    Take my dignity, for example. No one’s seen a shred of it around for many months, probably even years. However, it’s still quite full and healthy, enjoying a large segment of my psychological budget – all this despite the popular belief that it died around the time I offered “hertz donuts” to a dorm’s worth of people and was whirled 3 times in 5 weeks.

    You’ll never find it though, because I’ll keep feeding you the false evidence of its untimely demise. It’s the perfect plan.

  2. Nikhil said,

    Also, this blog post was much less interesting the second time around.

    Clearly, Ian, you suck.

  3. Lisa said,


  4. Matt said,

    I thought that your dignity was surely dead by the time references to Princess Buttercup started flying around the royal court. If it did indeed survive, hopefully this comment will put a couple more straws on the camel’s back.

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