October 21, 2003

He’s Lucky He’s Got His Looks… Of Steel!

Posted in General at 6:50 pm by Ian

Note: This contains spoilers of the idiocy contained in the Smallville (working title: Superman’s Creek) episode that aired a week and a half ago, so if you still haven’t seen it, ya been warned.

Right. So I think we all had to accept that Clarky there isn’t really MENSA material after seeing the unfolding of events. I won’t bother to get bogged down in the idiocy of destroying an item desired by at least two major bad guys, or the fact that sternly telling one of them “Not to be seen in Smallville again” while grasping his collar is unlikely to be much of a deterrent, because I have a specific focus. Let us consider the scene in which Clark’s parents are being held at gunpoint on opposite sides of the room!

Such Treachery.

Although he is fast, it seems he is not fast enough to rescue both his parents at once. Said limitation being the expert opinion of the Crime Lord™, obtained by carefully reading his tea leaves, presumably. First, we should chastise the writers of the show for reverting to previously flawed logic from Superman: The Movie (Tagline: “You’ll believe a man can fly!”), in which he could not possibly catch two cruise missles (or something) heading in opposite directions! Of course, he later demonstrates that while he cannot fly that fast, he is perfectly capable of flying fast enough around the world to reverse time for a limited period, which my computer calculates to be a speed of: NaN.

But I digress. So, here’s Clark, trapped in this impossible predicament. What to do!? Well, I think it’s pretty clear that the right move in this situation would be approximately anything other than what he did, which was to pull out some Kryptonite and cut himself with it. In one retarded act, Supey there manages to

  • Remove any chance of beating these people in his barn with guns threatening his family.
  • Reveal to them that he has a critical weakness caused by a material about as common as dirt in Smallville.
  • Reveal that the substance desired by the Crime Lord was blood.
  • Reveal that it was his blood.

  • Make a Mason jar completely unsanitary.

I think I’m going to start rooting for the Senior Luthor. Sure, he’s slimy, manipulative, and criminal, but at least I can respect him.


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