March 2, 2004
I Just Increased My Efficiency by 7.69%!
I, as I’m relatively sure you all do, use the internet. Specifically, I often use the internet in order to find out some sort of information that I would otherwise not have. Sometimes I can merely passively acquire this information through the ebb and flow of data to my inbox. However, should I desire information other than how to “lay the pipe to her” or get a “Un-iver$ity D1pl0|\/|a”, I must go out and actively search for it.
This is where Google comes in. We’ve all used it. Touted amonst the netizens as the best way to find data, Google has crept into popular parlance as both a verb (“Google it”) and an anthropomorphic information deity (“Just ask Google”). But we were complacent in our successes; so much so that the laurels upon which we rest have become nothing more than the shriveled husks of what they once were. It was inevitable that Google would be displaced. The only surprising thing is that we’ve been caught so off-guard, frantically clinging to the old order when a vastly superior option presented itself.
I speak, of course, of nothing less than Gogle. Discarding the unnecessary chaff that for so long kept Google from everlasting success. Just think. I can do fourteen searches in the time it takes you to do thirteen (assuming I’m searching on the empty string), thus increasing both my knowledge at a faster rate than the rest of you and saving unnecessary wear and tear on the “o” key of my keyboard.
Chumps. That’s what you are.