July 3, 2004

Will You Soon Be Running For The Border?

Posted in General at 11:39 am by Ian

I have in my hand an application for a job at Taco Bell.

No, I’m not dissatisfied with my job; so far, things have been going very well 😉

But, we stopped for food on the way back from rafting at the Kern river (just a quick four hours from Santa Barbara by bus), and we started looking at it. Two things caught my eye:

Item the first:
Are you currently charged with a crime involving violence, sex, stalking, minors, theft, property damage, fraud, robbery or drugs?

This, of course, to close the loophole for all those people who haven’t yet been convicted of a felony. Also, and I’m sure that you all will quickly chime in with these, but I find it difficult to come up with a crime that doesn’t involve violence, sex, theft, property damage, fraud, robbery or drugs. Traffic violations, maybe?

And the second: In the drug-free work environment section, I must affirm that
I am not a current user of illegal drugs, and I agree I will never work under the influence of drugs or alcohol

By my interpretation, as long as I start snorting cocaine tomorrow, Taco Bell has no problem.

I also like that I didn’t have to agree to either of those for my job.



  1. Mama said,

    Well I agree it is nice not to have to agree to either of those. Have a happy 4th. Mama

  2. JT said,

    Isn’t giving money to a terrorist organization a crime? I don’t think that necessarily involves violence, since the act of giving money isn’t violent. Granted, it’s a technicality since the terrorist organization will usually be violent at some point, but I would think you could get away with not lying on the Taco Bell application on that technicality.

    And what about hacking? As long as you don’t steal, commit fraud, or damage the system while hacking, you can still be chanrged with something and not lie on the application.

    Obviously, I must need to pick up one of those applications, because I have way too much time on my hands.

  3. Sarra said,

    Very true, treason doesn’t involve any of those crimes. Although I suppose the ever-present copyright violation crime can be classified under “theft”.

  4. Adam said,

    Well… fencing stolen property doesn’t directly involve theft. Selling illegally imported goods, tax evasion, checking out the wrong books at the library (I wish I were joking about that one), price fixing, ticket scalping, and various and sundry fashion crimes 🙂

    But yes, that is highly amusing.

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