July 28, 2004

Crap

Posted in General at 7:04 pm by Ian

I just cut off part of my fingernail while chopping onions. No, it doesn’t hurt, it just looks funny; I actually managed to cut just the nail off.

But now there’s a piece of fingernail in my diced onions. I don’t know if you’ve ever considered just how similar small pieces of onion and small pieces of fingernail look. I certainly hadn’t. And it’s not like I can really search for it, because about 10 seconds up close and personal with the onions and I can’t see anything anyway.

Crap.

Uh… meatloaf, anyone?

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9 Comments »

  1. JT said,

    Wow…I’m really sorry to hear of your misfortune.

    But I’m also laughing so hard I’m nearly falling out of my chair…

  2. Liza said,

    Dude, I’ve been chewing my nails for the last 15 years at least…they taste fine and you get used to how funny your fingers look surprisingly quickly.

  3. Ethan said,

    If you started painting your nails black, then you wouldn’t have trouble finding any nail slivers that you might happen to cut off while chopping onions, and you’d be able to blend in more easily in the Goth crowd (i’m sure this will be useful in a respectable office environment). Just watch out when you’re chopping black olives…

  4. Ian said,

    I could just learn to be ambidextrous, paint one hand one color and the other a different color and use the correct hand when cutting.

    Or I could paint them with that glo-in-the-dark stuff, and put a UV light in my kitchen.

    Or… Iron-enriched paint, and powerful magnets…

  5. Ethan said,

    The last is by far the coolest, but i think that running a rare-earth magnet over your food could get a bit messy as little bits of yourself zip through the food and through the air. I s’pose it all depends on who else is around…

  6. Liza said,

    You could just chew your nails and then not worry about accidently cutting off pieces of nails…if you cut anything off, it will be your finger…and pieces of flesh in your food covered with blood will be easy to spot.

  7. Ethan said,

    … unless he’s chopping up chunks of ground beef and onions! That, would be trouble.

  8. Sarra said,

    Actually, human flesh is a different color than beef, so it shouldn’t be a problem.

  9. NIkhil said,

    Hotdogs and Turkey, however, would remain difficult


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