October 19, 2004

Kneel Before Zod and the Common Cold: A Cacophany of (Perhaps) Feverishly Induced Thoughts: Part I

Posted in General at 11:18 pm by Ian

I have a cold. It is a bad cold. Not the worst I have ever had, but certainly among the top five, and perhaps making a strong play for second. The worst, of course, was at the end of fall semester last year, which led to the comical (to others, I’m sure) scene of me, dressed as for a snowstorm to bear the bitter 70° chill of Claremont on a Midwinter’s day, lurching down to Scripps for a final, only to have my fever break part-way through the test, leading me to unmuffle myself and strip down to a t-shirt. But this one’s pretty bad.

I went to work. Yesterday, I stayed, home, but today, bowing to the inevitable logic that while I’m miserable both ways, the main difference between being home and sick and being at work and sick is that I get stuff done at work while I just watch bad movies when I’m home.

Like Superman II. For some reason, I had never seen this particular Superman film. I thought I had seen them all, but I couldn’t remember the specifics of this one, so I popped it in. And I watched a truly absurd Superman movie. Even leaving alone the fact that Clark and Lois somehow walk home from the North Pole after he gives up his powers, and then he later walks back in a summer coat, and ignoring the fact that Lex Luthor both escapes prison and goes to the North Pole in a small hot-air balloon (which is somehow large enough to hold two teams of dogs), or that Kal-El gives up his powers “forever,” only to have them restored without explanation and dupes the villains by reversing the polarity or something equally stupid, the movie is still annoyingly bad because it doesn’t bother to have a good villain.

Lex Luthor is a good super villain. We can at least understand his megalomaniacal motives. In some of the other movies, his cunning approaches deviousness. Yet, for no evident reason, he plays second fiddle in this movie to the Kryptonian trifecta of Zod and the other two (cumulative IQ: 83), who seem to have no particular goals at all, except (and they’re quite vocal on this) to get others to kneel before them. This does not a compelling struggle make.

We watch stiltedly orchestrated attacks rejoined anticlimacticly until finally Luthor moronically plays into somebody’s plans. At one point, we are dredged through what seems like an eternity of scenes in which the three are literally blowing down Metropolis. And then Superman blows the other way! Awesome resolution!

Boo, I say. Boo.

1 Comment »

  1. Ludwig Scotchgard said,

    zod steals most scenes, tho.

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