October 29, 2004
Why You Should Vote For Bush
What I am about to recommend may seem like a shock to you (coming from me), but I ask you to hear me through to the end. Though I would generally not advocate such behavior, desperate times call for desperate measures.
“But Ian,” say some, “Didn’t you already vote for Kerry and mail your absentee ballot weeks ago? Don’t you scoff with disgust at the tatters of traditional conservativism the modern Republican party has left behind, feel shame at the great distrust the rest of the world feels towards America, and believe in the ideals of progress and equality that liberals are known for? And haven’t you been drinking?”
These are all true.
Yet, there are many reasons to vote for Bush this Tuesday:
- You should vote for Bush if you’re tired of all that messy separation of Church and State, and would like to see more law and policy based on his particular brand of Christianity.
- You should vote for Bush if you are frightened and disturbed by the female form, and do not wish to see wicked and sinful dancing anymore.
- You should vote for Bush if you want to wait it out until we find those darn WMDs, or if you think that Iraq got what it deserved after they attacked New York. 🙄
But if none of those are good enough for you, let me offer this in all sincerity: The Electoral College is an antiquated and unnecessary institution that inflates the votes of small states and leads to pork-barrel spending in swing states at the expense of the rest of us. The best thing that could happen in this election is for Bush to win the popular vote and Kerry the election. This could lead to truly bi-partisan support for abolishing the Electoral College (assuming the racists let it through this time). California’s going to Kerry; if you live here, vote Bush.
Or you could take the long view and want to see him continue to fuck up the mess he started.
Ian Ferrel 
Dan said,
October 30, 2004 at 7:06 am
Oi!
Mama said,
October 31, 2004 at 12:13 am
Right on, son
Matt said,
October 31, 2004 at 2:34 pm
At this point, your vote doesn’t matter anyway. The Packers just won the Election Bowl (vs. the Chiefs). Since a Chiefs loss at home right before the election has implied that the incumbant is not re-elected (or vice versa) for every presidential election since 1930-something, Kerry is going to the White House, no matter what you say.
Ian said,
October 31, 2004 at 3:08 pm
Dude, it’s the Redskins that they beat, not the Chiefs. And it’s their playing that has predicted the outcome of the election since 1936. Get your urban legends right.
Sarra said,
November 1, 2004 at 12:40 am
I seem to be in the minority among liberals in supporting the Electoral College. Interesting.
JT said,
November 1, 2004 at 8:13 am
I used to not support the electoral college, but since we’ve had this amendment in Colorado to change how the electoral college works, I’ve slowly come to support the college as it was invented over 200 years ago (and thus oppose the stupid amendment that ties the dispersement of electoral college votes based on voting percentages).
Matt said,
November 1, 2004 at 10:24 am
Gah, I always get those two teams confused. Score one stupidity point for me.
Matt said,
November 1, 2004 at 10:24 am
Gah, I always get those two teams confused. Score one stupidity point for me.