December 27, 2004

They Shoot Zombies, Don’t They?

Posted in Critical at 9:38 pm by Ian

If you believe that a movie as bad as Resident Evil: Apocalypse could be spoiled, there are spoilers within.

The movie flails about in search of a plot, eventually settling on one that doesn’t quite work. The first movie relied on the tired cliche of having to get out before the timer clicked down to zero and <something bad> happened. This one decided about two thirds of the way through that it was going to do the same thing, bypassing the traditional method of telling the audience and compressing that critical rising action phase of the plot to about twenty minutes. I mean, actions scenes and shooting zombies is all fun, but it helps a bit to have some kind of goal in mind for the characters. It’s like they went down the list of requirements (creepy sets, check; villain with German accent, check; hot women with guns, check.), but never realized that there was supposed to be a cohesive center to the whole thing.

We do get to see Milla’s tits, and there are a few topless zombie hookers (band name!). But we are left unsatisfied. Surely a woman who goes into battle with zombies wearing a tube top and minskirt would find time for a shower somewhere in those ninety-four minutes of mediocrity. But, alas, it was not to be.

For me, the movie had only one redeeming quality: the delightful homage to the video games in the church. The lighting is creepy and very reminiscent of the games, and when Jill is walking around, she holds herself and gun just the way the video game character does, even doing the little half lápiz when she turns.



  1. Sarra said,

    But dude! They shot zombies!

  2. Ian said,


    Did you notice how the guys in the SWAT cars just all converged on a single intersection and unloaded there. As far as I could tell, that intersection represented neither a strategic point to hold nor good cover. And they had no exit strategy. So they just stood there until the zombies overran them.

    Now, in a controlled intersection like that, forty elite troops like that should literally be able to stand there and plug zombies for days, unless their ammunition ran out. Which it didn’t. Yet they still managed to only last a few hours. WTF!

  3. Victor said,

    I think we should all wait for the next sequel to clear things up.

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