January 20, 2005

Eat No Fritos Day!

Posted in General at 5:50 pm by Ian

To protest the inaguration of President Bush, I hereby declare today to be Eat No Fritos Day. President Bush, after being popularly elected, today has the gaul to go out and be sworn into office as is Constitutionally mandated. What a jerk. Most of my friends and I are outraged that such a thing should come to pass, and if you are similarly distressed, show the world by not eating any Fritos for the entire day.

That’s right. Not one. Not even the Limited Edition Lime and Chili flavored Fritos™.

The Frito was chosen based on its similarity to the Bush Administration. Like the Bush Administration, the Frito is twisted, unhealthy, and has leveraged America’s reliance on consumption of oil for its own monetary gain. In addition, Fritos are delicious; thus, going without for an entire day represents a significant hardship on the average consumer, and will certainly demonstrate the depth of our distaste (for Bush. Not Fritos).

Unfortunately, I was a bit slow in releasing this pronouncement. However, do not dispair. If you have not yet eaten any Fritos today, congratulations! We are with you! Just a few more hours and this ideological battle will be won. If you have consumed Fritos today, do not despair! There are several options available to you, including induced vomiting or laxatives. Just make sure that the Fritos are no longer in your system by midnight. If you are unwilling to make even this small gesture, most of my friends and I think you suck.

Thank you.



  1. AB said,

    I am proud to have stood with you in this dark hour, striking a decisive blow against tyranny and corn chips. Naysayers may suggest that the link between Fritos and the Bush administration is tenuous. They may imply that my actions were due to a lack of available Fritos rather than to selfless patriotism and the desire to strike a telling blow to the dark and corrupted heart of faith-based politics. They may even be right. But the point is, I didn’t eat any Fritos. Take that, George W. Bush!

  2. Ian said,

    Your great sacrifice will undoubtedly effect a truly miraculous tournabout in the future policies of the Bush administration. Citizen, be proud.

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