February 25, 2005

Hannidate!

Posted in Political at 3:03 pm by Ian

If you’ve been searching for that “special someone,” but just haven’t found the right mix of interest, spontaneity, and radical jingoistic conservatism that you need to forge a special connection, don’t despair! Sean Hannity is here for you. Experience the sparkle of new romance and discovery as you read all about your potential matches.

Krista, 36, writes:

I love this country and I support our president…

And if that’s not getting you hot and bothered, Kathy, 47, after mentioning which branch of the armed services her main male relatives were enlisted in (but not her ex-husband. He was probably a liberal coward) concludes with

I love my Lord, my family, my Country and the military.

I don’t know about you, but my heart certainly swells with pride and lust when someone mentions God and the Military in the same breath.

Also check out page 5, where Whitley laments that she has not found someone with “mutual respect, whit, adventure, intelligence…” and then goes on to misplace an apostrophe in the very next sentence! Just hold on a little longer, Whitley. You’re closer than ever to finding a suitable match with Hannity.com!

Like the rest of you, I’m going to leap at this opportunity. Here’s what I have so far. Let me know what you think

Ian, 23, CA.
I’m a white male (wow, there sure a lot of us on here!). I am physically fit and would like to meet a business minded conservative lady 20-30 who is also physically fit but most importantly NOT LIBERAL. It’s hard enough living in California where the liberal “majority” includes dead people voting, more votes than voters, etc. I don’t need that kind of thing in a relationship! I would like to find someone whose Conservative views, love of our country, and appreciation for our wonderful President and his fantastic administration are shared. I enjoy swing dancing, long walks on the beach, and proclaiming lawful dissent to be unpatriotic.

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11 Comments »

  1. Dan said,

    “and proclaiming lawful dissent to be unpatriotic.”

    That’s awesome!

  2. Evan Doty said,

    It’s interesting to me that the conservative right gets tagged all the time for failing to be open minded about dissenting opinion. Tagged for shouting down those who dissent, or for attacking them in such a way that they can’t even respond.

    Very interesting.

  3. Ian said,

    Are you suggesting that my weblog is a tool of liberal oppression? I mean, come on. It’s Sean Hannity. He puts the hard in blowhard.

  4. Mama said,

    I know that sex is 90% above the eyebrows but who knew that milita would spice up the mix. Maybe it is the uniform. Nope. That would leave out the postman and the many fine garage mechanics, wouldn’t it? Dominos anyone?

  5. JT said,

    I’m waiting for Al Franken to come out with his liberal alternative…

  6. AB said,

    “It’s Sean Hannity. He puts the hard in blowhard.”

    Shouldn’t it be “He puts the blow in blowhard.” You know, becuase he blows? Also, I think that your personal would get more responses if you put in something about your love of eagles, and possibly some indignation over the fact that The Passion of the Christ wasn’t even nominated for best picture.

    PS What happened to preview? I liked preview.

  7. Ian said,

    He puts blow and hard in equal amounts. And preview didn’t like you.

  8. Evan said,

    I think I stated my point poorly. Taking shots at someone like Hannity is fine- he’s a media figure, and is by his own choice fair game. But Kathy (whoever the hell she is) is just… well, I’ve never posted a personals ad, so I don’t know the state of mind, but it’s probably safe to call her unlucky, at least. Taking cheap shots at her, in a forum she doesn’t know about and can’t answer just seems… I dunno. Like a personal attack, not political brilliance.

  9. Ian said,

    Kathy and the rest of them published their warmongering idiocy for all the world to see. I don’t see why I should be restrained from pointing it out. All I’m adding to this is a mocking tone. The real juice of it is in reading the absurd things these people have posted.

  10. Evan said,

    I don’t recall telling you not to take shots. I just suggested that you do it in such a way that she can answer. Oh, and will you point out in either Kathy or Whitley’s post the ‘warmongering’ sections? I guess I missed that part. Maybe it was the part that said “I love my lord, my family, my country and the military” (an obvious plea to bomb the third world into dust). Or, maybe in the case of Whitley, it was the part where she said “…I’m looking for: humorous, passionate about service others, christian living…” Boy. If I heard that out of context, I’d run for bomb shelters too.

  11. Ian said,

    Maybe it was the part that said “I love my lord, my family, my country and the military” (an obvious plea to bomb the third
    Mentioning the military several times in a personal ad doesn’t set off any warning flags to you? Just what do you think the military is used for but war?

    Or, maybe in the case of Whitley, it was the part where she said “…I’m looking for: humorous, passionate about service others, christian living…”

    Nope. If I’d meant to make fun of that, I’d have quoted it. I don’t doubt that you could find lots of excerpts that, taken out of context, look like the thoughts of normal people. Reading them in whole cloth tends to lend a different impression.

    And any of those I’ve offended are welcome to answer, but I’m not going to go off emailing them and pointing out that they’re the butt of my joke. That seems cruel and pointless to me.


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