March 17, 2005

The Multinational Conglomerate Who Cares

Posted in Political at 7:35 pm by Ian

You know, credit card companies have gotten a bad rap lately, what with the recent vote on the bankruptcy bill that has caused some to characterized Senators as the “hired thugs” of the credit card companies. But, clearly, they’re not all bad. Senator Charles E. Grassley (R-Iowa), who was a major sponsor of the bill, came out in favor of the noble principle of separation of church and state. When asked how he, a good Christian, could condone such usurious practices when the Bible itself condemns it and requires that debt be forgiven after seven years, Grassley responded

I can’t listen to Christian lawyers because I would be imposing the Bible on a diverse population.

Grassley, for the record, is a supporter of the Federal Marriage Amendment.

But enough about all them. My credit card company has nothing but love for me. They sent me a lovely letter today.

Dear Holder of Account ending in xxxx

It seems that they’ve become with concerned with my potential ability to pay my credit cards if I or one of my dependents should become violently ill or unemployed. Because, after all, those percentages are tremendous. For just an absurd amount of money per $100 each month, I will be protected against the kinds of financial insolvency that I used to have governmental protection from. It’s really quite brilliant, you see. Buy the right to bankruptcy away from the Senate and then sell it back to your customers!

But wait. There’s more!

Credit Protector also cancels my minimum amount due for 1 month if I or anyone in my household experiences certain life events that impact my income, such as moving to a new residence, entering college, marriage, or birth or adoption of a child (1 life event per calender year)

I can see it now: “Sorry, dear, I’m afraid you’ll just have to wait until next year to get married. Your brother went to college this year, and we’re all out of life events credits.”

The best part, though, is that I can sign up by cashing the $10 check they sent me. And I get the first month free. And I can cancel at any time…

Thanks Citibank! Thanks a ten-spot!