June 10, 2005

For Your Edification

Posted in General at 8:25 pm by Ian

In case anyone was wondering, the approximate time it takes for a pumpkin to go from fresh off the vine to a semi-rotten husk that, when you try to move it, breaks in half and spews pumpkin goo all over the floor and your clothes, necessitating a shower and lots of mopping–not in that order–is a little over seven months.



  1. Philip said,

    Are you kidding me? That pumpkin was still there a few days ago! Wow, and I thought that it was kind of ridiculous that it had been there so long while I still lived with you… four months ago.

  2. JT said,

    What other science experiments have you decided to do for our greater good?

  3. AB said,

    On an eerily similar note, have you ever seen those lacquered pumpkins that have stuff painted on them? If you’re like me, you may see one from last year in your closet come October when you root around the back of it looking for Halloween stuff.

    It will be sitting innocently, looking as good as the day you bought it. There may be a cute ghost or black cat still gazing up appealingly from its glossy surface.

    Perhaps you will think to yourself (as I once did) “It’s coated in a hard layer of lacquer, it’s probably still fine.” Little will you realize that it is no longer a pumpkin, but a shiny orange container of pure concentrated evil.

    If you touch the thing that was once a pumpkin, it will collapse upon itself and spew out vile black ichor that ruins all that it touches. When you regain consciousness (if you can experience that smell without blacking out, you’re tougher by far than I), you will rue the day that you first saw that pumpkin. Believe me when I tell you that your closet will never be quite the same.

  4. Ian said,

    For another take on this topic, I suggest the classic SDMB thread: There is evil in my backyard. It’s in a cooler.

  5. Evan said,

    I was about to comment on people having too much free time, in relation to the Cooler of Death thread… but then I realized I’d read probably 85% of the posts… and my hypocrisy has SOME limits.

  6. Katie said,

    I did tell you that it was going to rot when I was up there about two months ago. Because of my experience with the pumpkin that my AP Stats teacher saved for us for a year. He’d frozen it, after it had sat on the counter in the physics room for about six months, and when it was thawing it started almost dissolving, and so there was pumpkin goo juice that got spilled on one of my friends. It was amusing, at least for those of us without pumkin juice on us. But yeah, keeping pumpkins for that long, not such a good idea. Hope it cleaned up easily!

  7. Ian said,

    You did, but I didn’t believe you. I had several solid months of it sitting there unperturbed to back up my disbelief, too.

    Never again will I doubt your wise words on the subject of pumpkins.

  8. Tania said,

    Apache/1.3.33 Server at http://www.evilblog.net Port 80

    mushy pumpkins goo! yummmmmm

    @_@ –>

    mushy pumpkins goo! yummmmmm


  9. Nikhil said,

    So, AB, I take it that one of these lacquered pumpkins greatly outmatches that horde of Snapple bottles we amassed way back in the day (mostly Kevin’s fault, of course)?
    While the bottles have the ability to store their noxious fumes at high pressures such that they spray out at anyone who would foolishly want to, say, clean them out, pumpkins have so much organic material available for transformation.

  10. AB said,


    At the risk of a complete off-topic hijack, I’d say that the Snapple was actually worse to deal with, even though each bottle was way less disgusting.

    With the pumpkin, you just steel yourself, take a deep breath, and scoop everything into a plastic bag. With the Snapple, after every putrid mini-explosion, you’d look at the counter and think “only 50 more to go”.

  11. Ian said,

    But why did you open any beyond the first? Why not just put them all in a big bag and hurl it directly into the Sun or something?

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