July 25, 2005
(Editor’s note: Alternate titles for this post include I said ‘Unsubscribe’, Bitch!, In Soviet Russia, Spam gets you, and some sort of joke involving penis enlargement)
July 24, 2005
I’ll be up in Santa Rosa next weekend to pick up my boat. People who are around are encouraged to figure out when we can hang out. Since the Fair’s going on, I thought it might be fun for all and sundry to go on Saturday for a bit.
July 22, 2005
Sometimes you wonder what goes through people’s minds. Who on earth would want someone’s used mayonnaise? But, even more, who would take the effort to take a picture of it and write a detailed description?
Other awesome oddities:
- Clean Dirt (Your guess is as good as mine.)
- I’m not sure how much I’d trust a financial advisor who wants to barter for things.
- Even I don’t know what to make of this missed connection
July 20, 2005
to hate Michael Bay.
Somtimes, for important artistic reasons, the previous conception of the film’s rating must be discarded. Scarlett Johanssen is at least two of them.
July 19, 2005
I’ve been skeptical of anti-smoking aids for a long time. First, I’m skeptical of addiction in general, but beyond that, I doubt that it’s a sufficiently conscious process that, say, chewing some bad-tasting gum or slapping on a patch will really quell the urge. And remember those fake cigarettes that somebody at Jon’s party had? The ones that didn’t actually burn, but had some sort of weird filtered tobacco composite material that was steamed out over time. Those were so stupid and unsatisfying that everybody who’d tried one lit up a real cigarette immediately afterward.
But it does lend itself to some creative marketing.
This is the best product idea ever. Or, I suppose, the best lack of a product idea, ever.
You see, it looks like a cigarette. It feels like a cigarette. They even use REAL cigarette paper and filters. But, they don’t put any tobacco in it. I assume they put something in it. Shredded up financial documents, maybe. Or manufacturing waste. But you can’t light it on fire and smoke it.
Here’s the best part:
One Light-Free Smokeless Cigarette lasts all day. Order Now and take your choice of One Month, Two Month or Three Month Supply! Starting at an amazingly low price of only $24.95. Less than a carton of your favorite brand of tobacco cigarettes!
That’s right. They’re selling fake cigarettes for almost $1 apiece. Plus, they’re full of shit. Anyone who’s ever smoked a cigarette knows that it would get downright nasty (well, nastier) if you kept it in your mouth for most of a day. It’s not like REAL cigarette paper is designed to last very long.
July 18, 2005
You may have heard of the Free State Project, an organization dedicated to affecting the political process in a single state by “voting with their feet.” It’s a pretty cool idea, even though it looks like they’re having trouble getting enough people to commit to the move to New Hampshire.
Now there’s Christian Exodus, which is going to do the same thing, but in South Carolina and for the Lunatic Christian Fringe. A little wandering around the site led to my discovery that Cory Burnell, the president of this organization, lives in California and went to school at UCSB. Although I don’t agree with his whackjobbery or hatemongering, as a fellow Santa Barbaran, I feel that I should do the neighborly thing.
To Cory and any other local Christian Exodus members, I extend the following offer: I’ll help you pack.
July 12, 2005
You’d think that people who go to the effort of taking pictures of their cars and posting them on websites for sale would be somewhat interested in selling their actual cars.
But you would be wrong.
A few days ago, I found this gem on craigslist. Manual, 4WD, fewer than 100K miles, and a reasonable price (in my price range, no less). It’s basically the exact car I want. It’s a bit far away, but I’ll be down in Costa Mesa on Saturday for a magic tournament, which is only about 10 minutes away.
So I called the guy up today. Name’s Win. Told him I’d be in the area on Saturday morning, and if everything is good, I could buy it then. He said he worked Saturday from 9 to 9, but I could meet him at his work. And then the conversation took a turn for the bizarre.
Ian: So, would you be able to take it in for an independent mechanical inspection in the next few days?
Win: If you want to come see it on Saturday, you could take it then.
Ian: Right, but I’m not going to have much time Saturday, and there’s no point in me coming to see it if it doesn’t pass a mechanical inspection anyway.
Win: Well, I can’t take it in unless you’re here.
Ian: [perplexed] Why?
Win: I can’t do your work for you. If you want to come look at it, then you can take it to a mechanic.
Ian: But it’s two hours drive for me to come look at it. And all I’d have time to do on Saturday is a quick test drive and sign the papers.
Win: But it’s my time. I’m not going to spend my time on it if I don’t even know you’ll buy it.
Ian: [frustrated] But I will buy it. If it passes the inspection, I’ll buy it. Why would I have to be there for the inspection?
Win: When would you be able to pick it up?
Ian: [deadpan] Saturday. I’m going to be there Saturday.
Win: Well, I couldn’t just sell it to you then. I need to have it to get home from work.
Ian: [thinking] You’re selling your car, moron. At some point, you should probably come up with a transportation scheme that doesn’t rely on it. [saying] So, when would you be ready to sell it? I mean, if you need it to get to and from work, then you can’t sell it yet.
Win: Well, I’ll have to make arrangements to get a ride with someone.
Ian: Can’t you make those arrangements for Saturday?
Win: But I don’t know if you’re going to buy it yet.
Ian: [pleading] But. I’ll. Buy. It. If. It. Passes. An. Inspection. [conceding] You know what? Why don’t we talk later.
It would be wrong of me to suggest that others follow the link above and enter into negociations to buy the car, only to request some absurd concession or balk at a minor and obvious detail (“Oh, the windshield wipers go that way?”) and back out on the whole deal, so I won’t.
July 8, 2005
Apology for not posting. Enumeration of superceding priorities. Vilification of sleep deprivation. Suggestion to write more on one’s own blog.
Non sequitur. Inside joke. Thinly veiled insults.
Out of context blockquote
July 3, 2005
Sweet. The first time I did the upgrade, all I got was a blank page.