December 29, 2005

“I want people to stop associating me with Bin Ladin” Says Bin Ladin’s niece

Posted in General at 2:01 pm by Ian

I swear to you, this article could have been on the Onion.

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December 28, 2005

New Math

Posted in General at 6:01 pm by Ian

After experiencing the cash bar at the company Christmas party, I decided to invest in a flask, which I purchased from Linens <letter> Things.

It’s a five piece flask set. If you count the box. It comes with a flask, two little metal cups, a funnel. And, of course, the box. To bring it up to five. The box has a little pronged key that opens it. So, that takes it up to six pieces.

But, I checked further, and there are actually two copies of the key, so that’s seven pieces. And they came in a little zip lock bag: eight pieces. That lock mechanism probably has a few movable pieces, so I bet we could get it up to an even 10.

The marketing department really phoned that one in, I think.

December 15, 2005

Not Quite Dead

Posted in General at 9:07 am by Ian

Rumors of my cell phone’s death have been greatly exaggerated.

It’s pretty flaky, though.

December 14, 2005

Communication Breakdown

Posted in General at 11:31 pm by Ian

My cell phone no worky. If you want to contact me, try some other means.

Remember, two puffs of smoke for “no”.

In Which Ian Receives a Modest Windfall

Posted in General at 10:07 am by Ian

Bryce and I swung by In-N-Out last night for dinner, on our way between Costco and a Magic draft. After placing my order, I got a few cents change, but something wasn’t quite right about one of the coins.

“Hey!” I mocked outrage, “This is a Canadian penny. You shortchanged me by, like $0.0017.”

The cashier said he would replace it, but I assured him that I was only joking. Then I took a closer look at the coin.

“Wait a minute,” I exclaimed. “This is a Euro cent. I’m rich!”

December 13, 2005

Bachelor House-Keeping Tips

Posted in General at 2:43 pm by Ian

If you put dirty dishes into the fridge, you don’t have to wash them as soon.
Bonus: If there’s a little bit of food left, you can claim that you were just saving the leftovers.

If the leftovers in the fridge are starting to get a bit rank, you can put them in the freezer. That way, they won’t get any worse.

Uh Huh.

Posted in General at 11:43 am by Ian

“Did you mail the rent check?”
“Yeah.”

“Actually, I haven’t put it in the mailbox yet.”
“So, that’d be a ‘no’, then.”
“Well, I filled it out. And put a stamp on it.”
“Uh huh.”
“And the mail hasn’t left yet.”

“I’ll go do that right now.”
“Good idea.”

December 8, 2005

Tut, tut. Time for a Little Medication

Posted in General at 4:48 pm by Ian

I came across this article on possible psychiatric diagnoses for the inhabitants of the Hundred-Acre Wood. I offer this quote as proof of its ineffable brilliance:

Pooh needs intervention. We feel drugs are in order. We cannot but wonder how much richer Pooh’s life might be were he to have a trial of low-dose stimulant medication. With the right supports, including methylphenidate, Pooh might be fitter and more functional and perhaps produce (and remember) more poems.

I take a
PILL-tiddley pom
It keeps me
STILL-tiddley pom,
It keeps me
STILL-tiddley pom
Not
fiddling.

HELP! My Skin is Dry!

Posted in General at 2:16 pm by Ian

I just called Neutrogena’s Lack of Help Line (they were the ones who responded to my email question a few days ago with “call this number”) to find that they had already shut down for the day. Stupid EST.

But, before I hung up, I heard

If this is an emergency, please…

Can any potential interaction with skin care products really be termed an “emergency”? I, personally, can only think of ingestion as a possible emergency situation. And if your first response is to not call 911 or Poison Control, but to call the manufacturer, perhaps it would be best if we just let those individuals darwinize themselves.

December 6, 2005

You Must be Over 18 to Enter. Are you Over 18?

Posted in General at 10:48 pm by Ian

When downloading Limewire, you are now presented with the following choice

I might use LimeWire BASIC for copyright infringement.
I will not use LimeWire BASIC for copyright infringement.

You must choose, but choose wisely.

I tried my luck.

I choose poorly.

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