January 11, 2006

That is Not a Martini

Posted in General at 9:29 pm by Ian

In a sane world, I’d order a dry, dirty martini, and I would get 4-5 parts gin to 1 part vermouth, and a bit of olive juice, extremely chilled, with tiny slivers of ice floating in it.

I’ve had to drop the “dry” part, because I keep getting served no vermouth. Thanks, buddy, but I know how to order cold gin with an olive in it.

I’ve also had to add “gin” to my order, having been asked too many times “What kind of vodka do you want?”

The gin kind, dumbass.

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12 Comments »

  1. Liza said,

    Clearly, you need to stop going to freshmen college dorms and get yourself to a real bar.

  2. Matt said,

    It’s true. Vodka and girly drinks have truly killed the American cocktail. Bartenders nowadays know way more about making syrupy concoctions named after parts of the female anatomy than the do about making anything that actually tastes good. Hell, I have to specify that I want my Manhattan straight up, not on the rocks, and, no, I don’t want you dump any of the cherry juice in it. Yuck. My favorite, though, was at a bar I went to in Toronto. Actually, this place was in an area that was rife with gay couples. The place my friends picked out to go had a picture of a cocktail glass filled with some pink libation (pink triangle?). Anyway, my friends went in before I could protest, but it turned out not to be a gay bar after all. In spite of this place claiming to be a classy cocktail bar, they wouldn’t sell me a Rusty Nail (Scotch with a little Drambuie). Instead, they would only mix me a Rusty-tini, the same thing diluted down with vodka. What a disappointment.

    Anyway, if you come out to Rochester, I’ll make you a right proper drink. My bar has grown to nearly epic proportions. You can have your choice of gins, and your choice of vermouth.

  3. Dan said,

    My idea of a martini is this:

    Graygoose vodka, dirty, shaken with ice, no vermouth.

    Mmmm… Cure for what ails, ya!

    BTW – wisdom teeth suck. I’m gonna have a serious talk with whomever is responsible for those little bastards!

  4. Matt said,

    There was a joke in the RAF that all their pilots should carry a shaker, a stirring rod, some gin, and some vermouth in their planes so they could make a Martini in case they ever crashed. The desire for a good drink in a dire situation was secondary. The primary purpose was because whenever and however someone makes a Martini, someone else comes along and says “That’s no way to make a Martini!” This person can then rescue the unfortunate pilot.

  5. Ian said,

    I’m sure that is a fine drink, Dan, but, since it includes neither of the Martini’s two ingredients, it’s not a Martini.

    That’s a great joke, Matt. I think I may have heard it before, but long enough ago that I was well amused.

  6. Patrick said,

    I feel you, my brother. Us gin drinkers must stay together. Stay strong. Yield not to the temptations of the current day.

    To Gin!

  7. Jonah said,

    Don’t forget to order it “stirred, not shaken”. After all, it was none other than 007 that corrupted the martini into its modern form.

  8. Ian said,

    Again. Not martinis.

    Except the one that actually was.

  9. Dan said,

    Who died and made you 007, yo?!

    =)

  10. Matt said,

    007 doesn’t drink a Martini, either. He drinks a cheap knockoff.

  11. Dan said,

    Screw you guys! I’m going home!!


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