April 20, 2006

We’re Doomed

Posted in General at 5:30 pm by Ian

I was recently alerted to the presence of online Ecological Footprint calculators. There are a variety. After entering legitimate answers, I decided to see what would happen with minimum answers.

Entering a total yearly consumption of $1 (spent on clothing or footwear), a household of 10, and an annual income of $10, the calculator reported to me that we would need 1.9 Earths if everyone on the planet were to live like this. The obvious conclusion is that the Earth is incapable of supporting human life.

It was nice knowing you.


April 12, 2006

Damn Ninjas

Posted in General at 9:35 am by Ian

Walkin’ around like they own the place.

April 6, 2006

I’ve Been Published

Posted in General at 8:24 am by Ian

Well, not just me.

The paper that I contributed to as a result of joint research done during the summer of 2003 has recently been published. So, if you happen to be walking by a newsstand, see if they have a copy of IEEE/ACM Transactions on Networking*, so you can be the first on your block to read about “Virtual Topologies for Multicasting With Multiple Originators in WDM Networks.”

Seriously. All the cool kids are doing it.

*They won’t.

April 3, 2006

Excerpts from 20 Questions on the Way to and from Mammoth

Posted in General at 10:38 am by Ian

“Ok, I’m thinking of a person.”
“Jack Bauer!”
“Chuck Norris?”
“Chuck Norris isn’t fictional.”

“Ok, I’m thinking of a place.”
“Are we there yet?”
<whips head around following a spot on the side of the road>

“Ok, I’m thinking of a person”
“UHmmm… Ok, I better think of a different person.”

“I’m thinking of a thing.”
“Will it fit inside this car?”
“Will it fit inside a breadbox?”
“Does it change sizes, or do only some of them fit?”
“It changes size.”
“Is it utilitarian in nature?”
“Does it expand in all directions?”
“Does it unfold?”
“Does it telescope?”
“Does it inflate?”
“Is it made of wood?”
“Is it some kind of giant magnetic penis?”
“Was I close?”

“Does this thing actually exist?”
“Would somebody in the front seat hit him for me?”

“Ok, I’m thinking of a thing.”
“Is it alive?”
“Does it come in more than 4 colors?”
“Can you play music on it underwater?”
“Are there low-fat versions?”
“Uhm… You guys don’t really want to play this anymore, do you?”

March 29, 2006

I Just had a Bilingual Telephone Conversation

Posted in General at 1:36 pm by Ian

Phone: Ring.
Me: Hello?
Some Lady: <spanish words>
Me: Tiene numero equivocado. (Spanish for “You have the wrong number.”)
Some Lady: Oh, I’m sorry. (No accent whatsoever)
Me: No problem.

March 27, 2006

LA’s Finest

Posted in General at 3:18 pm by Ian

Today’s awesome quote comes to you from this article.

“We no longer say if you’ve smoked marijuana five times, you can’t be in the LAPD,” said Cmdr. Kenneth Garner, who runs recruitment for the Los Angeles Police Department. “If we did that, I’d be sitting in this office by myself. But we really take a hard look at honesty.”

I have no words.

March 22, 2006

Hot and Cold

Posted in General at 8:08 pm by Ian

“I need Ski Patrol.”

Some guy behind me is yelling.

“I hurt my hand; please let me through. I need to get Ski Patrol.”

His words are calm, but his voice isn’t. There’s a rising panic that he hopes is masked by a politely phrased request.

He’s near me, and I can see that he has one hand clamped over the other, with a little blood running down his wrist. He gets nearer, and says he needs to get a bandage. I pull my headband out of my pocket, and tell him we can wrap his hand. He stops, and I slide next to him. We get his hand wrapped up, and a few seconds later a woman with a Ski Patrol pin on it approaches.

She is not Ski Patrol, she tells us, but she used to be. And she’s a nurse. She talks the guy down, while I call 911, who transfers me to Ski Patrol.

He’s calming down, and the former Ski Patrol nurse tells me where we are (I don’t know the names of the runs), and assures him that he’ll be fine. He’ll be skiing again tomorrow.

“Plus,” I throw in, “think of it this way. You get a ride down the mountain in one of those cool buckets, and a new headband besides.”

He laughs at this, and when a current member of the Ski Patrol arrives, I am on my way.

Fluid Flow

Posted in General at 4:21 pm by Ian

We had to wait in line for the men’s room at Mammoth last weekend. Which surprised me, because it didn’t seem like there were substantially more men on the mountain than women, and we men are generally so much more eliminatorily efficient.

For example, I happened to notice that there was an empty pint glass resting on one of the glove-holder racks at the urinal. Someone, presumably, brought it in with him and finished it.


March 20, 2006

An Actual Sign Displayed at at Tire Store in Bishop, CA

Posted in General at 9:35 am by Ian

Blowout Tire Sale!

March 9, 2006

Strawberry Pie

Posted in General at 9:51 pm by Ian

Look at what we made!

We decided to make a pizza tonight (uh, about three weeks ago, now), but didn’t think about what to put on it until the moment arrived. We were out of most standard toppings. So we decided to put strawberries on it, based on the following list of reasons.

  • Pineapple is good on pizzas.

We also put mushrooms on half, in case the strawberries were as bad as we feared they might be.

But it turned out quite good.

Next up: chocolate chip pizza.

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