March 8, 2007

Who the Fuck Cares that Captain America Died?

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:47 pm by Ian

I mean, seriously. This is news?

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March 7, 2007

They Met on a Star-crossed Peace Corps Mission…

Posted in Uncategorized at 5:01 pm by Ian

Watching Crash last night.

Nick: Wait, who’s that woman?
Me: The not-Mexican woman. Puerto Rican and Salvadoran or something. The one Don Cheadle was fucking.
Jess: Not Puerto Rican. She was Portuguese.
Me: I’m Pretty sure she was Puerto Rican.
Jess: She said “Portuguese” before.
Nick: It was Puerto Rican.
Jess: You guys are totally wrong.
Me: Five bucks? Five bucks says it’s Puerto Rican.
Jess: You’re on.
Nick: No! You are not betting him with my money.
Jess: I’m betting him with my money. When I win, you can’t have any.

Fast forward to the end of the movie (not really, though. We watched at a normal pace)

Me: Ok, now, before I rewind it, it’s not too late to back out.
Nick: Yes. Back out! She backs out.
Jess: Come on. Have a little faith. He’s just trying to get out of losing five bucks.
Nick: I have faith. In my and Ian’s memory that she said Puerto Rican.
Me: Ok, how about this: If I win, you have to do the dishes, and if you win, I have to.
Jess: Ok.
Nick: I have no problem with that.
Me: …And if we’re both wrong, Nick has to do them.
Nick: Wait a minute!

So I rewind, and we watch the scene again, and (of course) she says her father was from Puerto Rico and her mother from El Salvador.

Me: Ah, the sweet sting of success. (offering up my dirty dishes) Here you go, Jess.

I mean, come on: Portuguese?

March 1, 2007

When Life Gives You…

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:52 am by Ian

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

When life gives you pears, march in a parade.

When life gives you mixed greens, lob a grenade.

When life gives you platters, don’t feel betrayed. (groan)

When life gives you foreigners, send foreign aid.

When life sends an invite, you need not invade.

When life double-crosses, call off the crusade.

When life gives you squares, set up a blockade.

When life seems revealing, it’s just masquerade.

go wild. Extra points to anyone who manages to use “general agreement on tariffs and trade” to good effect. The closest I got was “When life establishes a multinational production and shipping network with differing local costs and propensities to consume…”